Welcome to my Life

One thing I desperately wanted when I was younger was a sibling. Being an only child sucked- I never had anyone to play with. It took many years, I did eventually get my wish. In sixth grade, I not only gained one sibling, I gained four. After my Father married my Step-Mother in like 2011 I gained 3 step sisters and one half-sister. No longer am I lonely, but I now wish for nothing but privacy...and maybe an extra bathroom. I always thought having siblings would be fun, however having four sisters ranging from the age 3 to 19 can sometimes be more work than its worth. With so many people in the house, there is never a dull moment. Between boy problems and missing clothes, there is always something wrong in the house.I really do love my family, I guess I just wish that they were a little calmer sometimes. I guess thats why they say ‘be careful for what you wish for’.

Situations

Jim was driving with his friends to Dave and Busters in Canada, but they encountered a major problem. Moments after crossing the border into Canada their car came to a sudden stop. Jim tried to drive the car forward, however it refused to move. Jim turned to his friends and said, “Stay here just a moment guys, I’ll be right back.” Jim got out of the car, as soon as his foot touched the ground he felt a gooey substance ooze under him. He inhaled deeply, and in a barely audible mutter said, “Is that maple syrup?” Jim glanced at his feet and around the car, his assumption had been correct; not only were his feet covered in maple syrup, but it was also wha had trapped his car on the empty road. Jim struggled to free himself but found no escape.“Hello,” a deep voice said with a thick french accent. “Welcome to Canada, eh.”  Jim looked up excitedly, hoping it was a native whom had come to his rescue, however he was a little baffled when he looked up. While trying to free himself from the sticky mess surrounding him he had not seen the herd of moose that had surrounded him. “Wh-What?” he stuttered, as a few of the moose inched closer to him. The largest moose hung back and began to speak, “Your American, eh?”   

Good Life

photograph of birthday cake, and also
my sisters and I.

One unusual thing I did last weekend was I ate cake for breakfast. The month of November is always a busy one for my household; there are three birthdays all within seven days of each other. My fathers is November 16th, mine is the 19th, and my oldest sisters is the 23rd. Because there are so many birthdays so close together, every November we find ourselves with a surplus of cake. On Sunday morning I awoke with a sweet tooth, and luckily for me, our fridge was stocked with ice cream cake, cookie cake, and regular chocolate cake. Unable to resist the cake calling my name, I fulfilled my craving with delicious chocolate cake. Sadly, however, the rest of the cake did not last long after that. When living in a house with seven people, no food lasts very long.

Living Louder

A few days ago I was given the opportunity to attend a presentation from Johnny Earl about how he formed is business that is now worth millions of dollars. After attending this presentation I am left with inspiration and a memory that will last a lifetime. Johnny’s company, Johnny Cupcakes, was originally nothing more than a joke, but soon it spread through the world and has inspired many people since. Johnny has become such a big inspiration because he is not in his business for the money or fame; he choose to build up his corporation because it was something he enjoyed doing. Because of this, many people are inspired to follow their dreams, and to do more of what they love. Another aspect of Johnny’s business that is inspiring is that Johnny Cupcakes does not use any traditional advertising, yet thousands of people know about his shirts. Johnny was able to gain so many followers by making his store unique and an unforgettable experience. He did not focus on how much money he would be spending, and instead focused on how he could be creative, and give each customer an unforgettable experience. He packaged his clothes in unique ways, designed his store as a bakery, and he made his shorts available for only a limited time so people would feel special when the receive their shirts. This uniqueness caused people to talk and his business to grow. Johnny has inspired me to follow my dreams, no matter what people say, because uniqueness and creativity can take me far.

Whatever It Takes

My favorite personal quality is my self motivation. My self motivation has lead me to accomplishing many difficult goals- from getting straight A’s or simply learning learning the Spanish alphabet- once I set a goal I do not give up until it is achieved. My self motivation makes me extremely determined, and does not allow me to give up on my goals. However, sometimes my motivation can be a bad. Often times I become a little controlling in situations where I have to work with other people. My motivation tells me I have to do things a certain way and it makes it hard for me to cooperate and come to a compromise. My determination can also be a bad thing, because sometimes I set goals too high and become disappointed when I do not accomplish them. The disappointment often leads me to blaming myself for all the things I did not do that would have helped me accomplish my goals. Despite the flaws to this quality, I am very proud to have it. It has helped me to accomplish many things I most likely never would have dreamed of without it, and I know it will help me accomplish many great things in the future.

Rhythm of Love

Music is very important to people of all ages; everyone is effected by music. Though the genre may vary from person to person the powerful effects do not. Music, using only a few simple instruments and lyrics, has the power to change people's lives. People turn to music for inspiration, motivation, and comfort. Lyrics are often words people are to afraid to say, and it can be a comfort knowing that someone feels the same way. Music also helps to deal with the problems that are dealt with in today's society. There are many songs out about how people should not be afraid to be themselves, for example "Firework" by Katy Perry. Another example of music dealing with societies issues is "Same Love" by Macklemore. This songs supports gay marriage and talks about the importance of ending discrimination. Music can also help people learn; children typically learn their alphabet, months, and days of the week, through song. As people get older the sometimes still look for a catchy tune to help them memorize information they need to know. However, of all the things music can teach people, the most important is that people must love themselves and respect others differences.

Piggy Bank

poem that means a lot to me...

If money were no object I would spend my time writing. Every night I would pour a big cup of piping hot tea, turn up my music, and let my feelings pour onto the  paper in the form of ink. Writing is a therapy for me, and it is something i have been passionate about for years. I can only dream that one day my books could be as memorable as "Catcher in the Rye" or "To Kill a Mockingbird." My words could be passed on for generations, my stories living long after my life has ended. English books could feed my words to the sleepy eyed children asked to analyze my poems years after I have passed. My words could move mountains and alter the way people think, just as Harriet Beecher Stowe did with "Uncle Toms Cabin." These feelings and thoughts caged within me could ignite a revolution. However, I do not wish for fame or a legacy. I do not write for revolutions or to confuse the sleepy eyed student unable to solve my riddle of metaphors. I wish for my words to be recited into the ears of lovers, reveling feelings so deep they seem impossible to put into words. Maybe my words will not save the world, but they could save a life. A scared little boy may hold onto to the words I sprawled across pages as his only escape. A sad little girl may burn my words into her brain in an attempt to free her self from her mother's. My verses could calm her when shes upset, tell her she's not alone, and remind her that it will get better. It is the knowledge that I could save someone- someone like me- that drives my passion for writing. 

Surfin' Bird

A video I made for my bird project in Mr. Jaworski's class. Much thanks to everyone that participated in the creation

Addicted

I do not have any talents, and I do not enjoy doing very many things, but if I must have a 'hobby' it is probably watching TV. Well, not so much 'watching TV', it is more like obsessively watching TV series on Netflix. By obsessively I mean I watch them from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. Majority of my summer was devoted to watching Supernatural, which has a total of 8 seasons. This also occurred during my spring break last year, I watched a total of 3 seasons of Glee (roughly 66 hours) in under a week. I have also obsessively watched South Park, Once Upon a Time, and Ru Paul's Drag Race. I also watch a lot of Criminal Minds and Law and Order: SVU, and I plan on watching Doctor Who and Sherlock as soon as I can find the time. Watching TV is not tons of fun or anything, but my life is not very interesting, and it is a nice way to waste time. My favorite (and probably least favorite) part of watching the shows is growing attached to the characters. For example, after spending about 172 hours watching Supernatural, I have become emotionally attached to characters, especially the main characters Sam, Dean, and Castiel.
 Being so attached to them is terrible because there have been a few times I have cried due to their death or near deaths. Even worse then losing the fictional character is when the actor dies, this is a pain I experienced in July of this year when Cory Montieth (lead character on Glee) passed away due to drug overdose. I am not looking forward to the  tribute episode that will be airing on October 10th, I know I will spend majority of the time crying. Despite all the heartache caused by the shows, I enjoy them, and I love how the are able to distract me from all my problems. They truly bring me happiness.

One Hundred Sleepless Nights

If I could turn back time I would change the relationship between my mother and I. I would remove the memories burnt into my brain of all the times she told me I am worthless, and that she wishes I was never born. She taught me that abuse is love, and no one ever taught me different. From boyfriends to best friends I took their criticisms as compliments and fighting as friendship. Of course I wanted to love myself too, so just as her awful words were hugs, my blades gave me kisses. They became my only comfort, the only thing that would put me to sleep at night when her voice haunted me. Soon, the voices carried into the day, and every time I would look in the mirror I could hear her voice say "You will never be good enough." As I began to pick out my flaws, a day without eating became a pat on the back. I shut everyone else out, they could never love me ask much as I loved myself. The proof was in the beautiful red lines racing up my arms and thighs, and the constantly dropping number on the scale. My self 'love' was more like a machine stuck on self destruct. With fresh cuts and days without eating, I was pushing for perfection. The worst part was that I thought it was 'normal', and with a perfect plastic smile always plastered on my face no one ever thought any different. I continued to prove my love for everyone else by pushing them away, as I built up my walls, but soon that was not enough. I needed more. Little ideas began to pop into my mind, ways that I could love myself even more.

I do not have any pictures
of my mom so here is me.

 I would make plans to end it all and write notes to say goodbye. I was so ready to prove my 'love' to myself that when help finally came I felt more like I was being harmed. It has been a long journey, but I am starting to recover. I can not help but to point out my flaws, and my moms voice still screams to me at night, though I haven't talked to her in over a year. She taught me that abuse is love, but it is not, and now I am trying to learn the difference. I am finally learning how to really love myself. The scars have faded, but what if they were never there? I know the grass is not always greener on the other side, and after every thing,
 I am very happy with who I have become. However, I am always left wondering 'What if she had loved me', or better yet 'what if I knew how to loved myself'.Maybe I would not be so shy, and my words would not come out so harsh. Maybe I would not be so insecure, and I would not worry so much about what people think about me. I would be able to look at myself and be content with what I see. I never would have made those stupid things, and I would not still be struggling with them today because I never would have felt that alone. She would be there for me when I am upset, and she would give me that 'stupid' motherly advice. She would hold me in her arms and tell me "It will be okay" and "You are perfect just the way you are". Maybe we could have been a happy family, and maybe I could have been a happy girl, a girl without scars. However, I can not turn back time, and I will never truly know what could have been. Instead, I must learn from my mistakes and the mistakes my mother made, and change my life for the better.

Wordplay

Combinations of 26 letters,
but they mean so much more,
adventures and knowledge,
and whole new worlds to explore.

They are here forever,
carrying memories of those who passed;
from people who were loved,
to moments that did not last.

They have so much power
more then some people know.
They can pick people up,
but they can knock them just as low.

Set them to a melody,
and problems drift away.
Say them in promises,
hoping they will stay.

Whisper them in the ear
of someone loved,
or say them silently
and pray to the one above.

Words can mean so much,
we use them every day.
From books to music,
they're even what we say.

Beautiful Disaster

This last night Heather and I attended a one night event at the Lorain Palace Theater called "The Runway Movie".This movie told the story of a young man named Jevon Terance, and his life as a male fashion designer. The movie focused on Terance's latest runway show that took place at Lorain County Community College's Spitzer Center. After six years of designing clothes, he decided to have his latest line of clothes themed as God's and Goddess's, because of Nike shoes. The show was roughly an hour long, and after the first twenty minutes the show it became torture.Heather and I felt very out of place in this situation because we did not know who Terance was, so we sat in the back of the theater in an attempt to blend in. We were soon surrounded by old ladies.The start time for the movie was said to be at five however, it did not actually start until after 5:20. The actual movie was absolutely terrible. It was basically poorly shot video clips of Jevon talking for the first fifteen minutes, and then the rest of it was even worse quality video from his God and Goddess's fashion show. It was over 45 minutes of people walking on and off the stage while barley audible rap music blared in the background. This would've been okay if the clothes being modeled where at least cute. A few of the clothes were decent, but most of the clothes were completely atrocious. For example, one man was wearing a  brown tee shirt that had a picture of Jesus holding a sneaker on the front, and then the back was completely white. Sadly, this was not even the worst 'fashion' of the night. After what seemed like forever, the clock finally struck six,and our ride home arrived. The movie should have ended, however that did not happen. As the minutes ticked by Heather and I tried to plan an escape, but there were too many old ladies, and there was no way around them without interrupting them. We did not manage to escape until after 6:30, we couldn't have been happier when the movie finally finished. Though this experience was awful, it was nice to be able to see how a young mans dreams came true. If I had the chance to do it again I probably would not do it because it was a waste of $5, but it was not the worst experience I have ever had.


                   

Here Comes The Sun...

Early on the morning of June 14, my sisters and I awoke to enjoy breakfast on the beach. Our original  plan was to take a light breakfast so we could watch the sun rise across the Gulf of Mexico, but our plans could not have differed more. After making toast and pouring glasses of orange juice, we began our journey to the beach- only to realize the sun was rising away from the gulf. In hopes that our luck would change we sat down, and we began to eat. It seemed perfect, however we soon learned that toast on a beach was not a good idea. Just as the sky began to fill with beautiful crisp oranges and blazing yellows, I heard a loud 'cawing' sound directly above my head. I was mid bite as I slowly looked up from my toast to see a seagull only inches away from my face. I suddenly became paralyzed by my unexplainable fear of birds. When I finally glanced back up, my eyes darted from bird to bird- I was surrounded. As I sat completely frozen, my sisters ran towards the condo, and their toast lay only a few feet away from me. With the panic in me rising, I finally jumped up and ran towards my sisters, barely muffling a scream, as I threw my toast as far as possible in hopes that it would lead the birds away from me. Luckily, we made it off the beach alive but it is a day I will never forget. It will go down in infamy as The Morning of the Toasty Beach.

Name

Destanie,

with a 'nie'.

It is a name I hate,

it always pulls me down

like an eighty pound weight.

It brings back the memories,

while I am trying to get free.

This is what it means to me.

Destanie.

It's mommies voice in my head

screaming "You'll never be enough."

It's all the things I turned to

when times had gotten tough...

Because before the drunken slurs,

back when she loved me

she named me-

Destanie.

It's the constant reminder

of where I come from

It's the devil on my shoulder saying

"She's exactly what you'll become."

Maybe I don't have a choice 

in who I'm going to be.

Maybe it's just my-

Destiny.

It's kind of like fate,

"What must be, must be."

While the future maybe brighter

patience is key.

But until then I'll keep my head up

because tomorrow is not a guarantee.

If only I knew my-

Destanie.

I'm that girl with the bright smile,

who once wanted to die.

Even with a past I'll never escape,

I can be anything if I try.

My past has made me stronger,

and there is no one I'd rather be.

I'm perfect the way I am, as 

Destanie.

Let It Be..∞

The most important rule that all people should follow is to regret nothing; we have only one chance to live and we should not spend it worrying about the past. There is a reason behind every mistake we have made, and we given two options; to regret it or learn from it. By choosing to regret we do not help our selves or the situation. However, by choosing to learn from them we can change our futures. It is not the mistakes that we have made that define us, but instead our ability to move forward. Even if the past is dark, by choosing to move forward we can completely change our lives. Therefore our time should be spent doing things we want to do, and being the people we want to be, rather than remembering things we should not have said of chances we should have taken. We can not change the past but we can make our futures brighter.